God, Do I Have To?

I argue with God a lot.

As I read Moses’ encounter with the Lord at Mount Sinai (Exodus 13-14), I find comfort in knowing even he fought with God about his calling to save Israel from slavery.

Moses seemed to mature out of his arguing as Exodus goes on. Maybe someday I will too. Maybe someday I’ll learn to simply say ‘Yes’ without throwing a toddler-like temper tantrum every time. But let’s be honest … I’m probably a way off from that kind of spiritual maturity. My disagreements usually go something like this:

God: Emily, turn off the radio and talk with Me.

Me: But God, there’s a really good song on!

God: Come talk with me.

Me: Okay, but give me three minutes to belt out the rest of this song.

God: …

Me: Oh come on God. It’s a Christian song so technically I am worshiping! Can’t our conversation wait for three minutes!?

God: All right, sing. But then, turn off the radio and talk with me.

Then there’s the BIG fights. The ones that span over a few months and can completely change the course of my life (for the better) if I allow it. My most recent bout went something like this:

God: See my people. Lead my people. Love them and teach them what I’ve taught you about relationships and sex.

Me: Who am I to lead others in Your name? I am not worthy and frankly I don’t know enough to be teaching others about You.

God: I will be with you.

Me: If I start talking about relationships and sex, people are going to question if my message is really coming from You or if I’m just full of myself.

God: Trust Me and do what I say. They will believe.

Me: But God, I don’t know what to say or how to say it. I clam up when it comes to intimate topics (Pun intended. Luckily, He gets my humor and I believe He occasionally laughs at my puns just to oblige me).

God: Who gave you the ability to speak? Me! I will tell you what to say and when to say it.

Me: I asked for a greater purpose in life. But this? Really? Couldn’t You have chosen an easier route? Please! Choose anyone but me!

God: I will send helpers along the way, to encourage you and help you in this calling. I will give you family and friends who will support you. Now, go!

While my fight didn’t involve a burning bush, the burning in my heart certainly felt all consuming and I find comfort in reading that Moses also responded to God’s call with repeated objections.

What a loving God, that He didn’t back down from our protests, yet He acknowledged them. With patience and persistence, He remained faithful until Moses, and I, decided to be faithful too.

And so, this journey begins. I am now committed to see God’s people. Love God’s people. Lead and teach God’s people all that I have learned about relationships and sex. I am only human – frail, insecure, selfish and sinful. But with God as my shepherd, I will take one faithful step at a time. I pray this journey touches your heart and others in whatever way God intends. I pray I may be a vessel for God’s message and have the humility to say yes to His call each day moving forward.